Mercuriosities

William Cobbett, famous for his Rural Rides, believed that reforming Parliament, including abolishing the rotten boroughs, would help to end the poverty of farm labourers.  But would anyone dare to fling him out of the window?

“COBBETT’S LECTURE at STAMFORD.

Mr. Cobbett has, rather unexpectedly, turned his steps to this part of the kingdom; and on Wednesday night, after dining with Col. Johnson at Witham on the Hill, he delivered the first part of his political lecture, in the ball-room at the Hotel in Stamford.  He has announced his intention of lecturing at Peterboro’ on Friday night the 2d inst. ; of proceeding thence to Wisbech and Lynn ; and of returning into Lincolnshire by way of Holbeach, to Boston, Horncastle, Louth, Lincoln, Newark, Grantham, Oakham, Leicester, and Birmingham, in the course of the next three weeks.

Mr. Cobbett commenced his lecture on Wednesday evening by stating his apprehensions of not being able, from want of talent, to equal the expectations that might have been formed of him, but he would state his opinions upon the causes of the distress which now pressed upon this once prosperous land, in a series of propositions, which he would defend to-night and tomorrow evening, and of which the following are the principal:–

That the distress which pervades the country has been occasioned by the acts of Government.

That the distress will not pass away of itself.

That the taxes make the distress.

That the poor ought to be relieved out the tithes ; and that it is their right by the law of the land to be so relieved.

That the church property is mis-applied ; and that it is legal, and due to the necessities of the  people, to take it from the Clergy.

And, lastly, that a great reduction of the public debt can justly be made.

The propositions he would maintain ; and if he failed in proving them, he should deserve to be taken by the heels and flung out of the window.”

Stamford Mercury, 2nd April, 1830.

‘The law is an ass.‘ Well, if these strange examples are to be believed, then Mr Bumble was correct! Let us hope that such inconsistencies have since been rectified.

“INCONSISTENCY OF THE LAW – If a man has a leg broken by a carriage, the law allows a deodand to his wife and children; but if he be killed, they have no compensation. – If a man grows cabbages or potatoes, the horses employed in cultivation his fields are taxed; but if he grows wheat or barley, his horses are not liable to the highest taxation: because, says the law, cultivating a field for the growth of cabbages or potatoes is not agriculture. – If a journeyman butcher happen to be employed on any occasion in serving in his master’s shop, the master is liable to pay tax for a shopman; but if a journeyman baker be so employed, his master is not so liable, because, says the law, the baker is a manufacturer, and the butcher is not.

At Union-hall, on Friday, one of the toll-collectors in the Kent-road was summoned for demanding toll for a post chaise, which was used in the conveyance of convicts to Woolwich. The toll-collector said he was aware that waggons and carts used for the conveyance of prisoners were exempt from toll, but he considered that a post-chaise was liable. The magistrate said, that all descriptions of vehicles used for the purpose above-mentioned were exempt from the payment of turnpike tolls. The defendant, therefore, refunded the toll and was fined in the mitigated penalty of 5s.”

The Stamford Mercury, 23rd November, 1827.

A member of the Southcottian sect claimed to have had an interview with Jesus Christ, who gave him a variety of commandments by which to live his life. Another man railed against pogonophobia.

“FANATICISM.–On Sunday, the Bradford prophet of the Southcottian sect announced to his followers, in the meeting-house at Wakefield, that he had recently had a personal interview with Jesus Christ, who had given him a variety of commandments for the direction of his conduct, one of which was, that he should live abroad in the fields for three weeks, with several of the brotherhood. Another preacher of an inferior order held forth on the same occasion, and thundered out his anathemas against the wicked inhabitants who dared to ridicule the long appendages to the chins of the faithful, and to apply to them the odious appellation of Billy Goats. Leeds Mercury.“

Stamford Mercury, 2nd June 1826.

Henry Clay was a U.S. attorney and politician who represented Kentucky in congress and served as secretary of state under President John Quincy Adams.  His opponents in the press used a ‘picture’ to draw attention to his failings.

The Americans are indeed a funny sort of people. The following is one of the many specimens of the numerous plans adopted by the newspapers opposed to the election of Henry Clay to the Presidential chair, and intended to ridicule him. There is a cut in the paper from which we copy it, representing Mr Clay’s coat of arms, with the words “shoot lower” across it, and “war, pestilence, and famine;” at one corner four or five playing cards, and at the opposite end a pistol cocked. At the head he is represented firing at his opponent, and a bottle in the centre of the assailant marked “brandy”.                       

(From The Lorain Republican.)

THE “EMBODYMENT.”

“Henry Clay, the living personification and embodiment of Whig principles.”  Whig address.  IN 1777 born:  In 1805, quarrelled With Col. Davis of Kentucky, which led to his first duel:  In 1808, he challenged Humphrey Marshall and fired three times at his heart:  In 1825, he CHALLENGED the great John Randolph, and fired once at his heart, but without effect:  In 1838, he planned the CHILLEY DUEL, by which A MURDER was perpetrated, AND a Wife made a MANIAC.  In the year 1811, when 65 years old, and grey Headed, is under 5000 dollars BONDS to KEEP THE P EACE!!  At the age of 29 he PERJURED HIMSELF to secure a Seat in the United States senate; and again, in 1824, he made an INFAMOUS BARGAIN with John Quincy Adams, by which HE SOLD OUT For a £1200 a year Office.  He is also generally well known as a GAMBLER AND  SABBATH BREAKER.  His POLITICS are precisely and exactly those of the Hartford convention federalist: OPPOSED to EQUAL RIGHTS, EQUAL LAWS; and in favour of MONOPOLISING LAWS and chartered privileges.  Also he sustains the ferocious Algerines in their deeds of  BLOOD AND MURDER.

Stamford Mercury, 8th November, 1844.

Planning permission was no problem in 1826 Bicester. Just gather together some men liberally plied with Sir John Barleycorn by the ‘respectable’ inhabitants of Bicester and, voilà, Bicester town centre transformed in two days.

“On Saturday last, a perambulation of the parish of Bicester, Oxfordshire, took place ; after which a great number of the most respectable inhabitants dined together at the King’s Head Inn, and the poorer inhabitants were admitted into the yard and liberally treated with beer. Enlivened by the juice of Sir John Barleycorn, and instigated, it is supposed, by some of their richer neighbours, the latter proceeded in an immense body into the Market-place, where stood a long range of buildings which had been long a disgrace to the town, comprising the town-hall, shambles, cage, and two dwellings, the occupier of one of which had withstood every inducement which had been long held out to him to remove. Several hundred persons being assembled, the shambles and the residence of that individual were soon pulled down. A person who was present states, that he counted on the roof of the shambles alone, at one time, 37 men. On Monday morning the people again met, and completed the work of demolition ; on which occasion a man named Alexander Hunt fell through the joists and broke his leg. It is reported that the gentlemen of the town will make good every loss sustained by the individuals, and that they have it in contemplation to erect a handsome market-house on the site of the demolished buildings.”

Stamford Mercury, 2nd June 1826.

“On measuring a corpse for her coffin, an undertaker got a fright when the corpse spoke to him. It was a case of mistaken identity rather than a Lazarus resurrection.

“In the early part of last week, a curious circumstance occurred at a public house in Salford. A female servant of the house had died, and an undertaker was sent for to measure her for a coffin. He was directed up stairs to the room where the corpse lay, and, accompanied by an assistant, he proceeded there, and was taking out his rule for the purpose of measuring her length, when to their astonishment the supposed corpse rose up in bed, and demanded their business. The coffin-maker and his man scampered down stairs, and told the company that the girl was come to life again. They were of course laughed at, and on an explanation ensuing, it appeared that they had mistaken their way, and had gone into the bed-room of the landlady, where she lay fast asleep, until disturbed by their intrusion.–Manchester Paper.”

Stamford Mercury, 2nd June, 1826.

In the 19th century, when we all lived more leisurely lives, fatal accidents caused by driving while intoxicated still occurred. Drunk in charge of a blind horse and a light cart was the cause of death of a farmer from Bourne Fen. Nowadays, it continues to be an offence under the 1872 Licensing Act to drink and ride a horse or cattle.

“A fatal accident occurred to Mr. Mason, farmer, of Bourn Fen, on Thursday night the 27th ult.  The deceased had been to Spalding, and was returning home, somewhat inebriated, with a light cart and a blind horse, when, after having proceeded 300 yards from the Hurn bar near Guthram, the whole were precipitated in one of the drains by the road side.  He was discovered the following morning quite dead, as well as the horse, although there was not more than two feet of water in the drain.  Verdict of the inquest, accidental death.”

Stamford Mercury, 4th April, 1834

Mermaids appear in the folklore of many cultures worldwide. This mermaid wasn’t left in peace for very long before someone took a potshot at her.

“MERMAID.–We extract the following article from a respectable Irish newspaper, The Galway Advertiser.

‘Naturalists have hitherto doubted of the existence of Mermaids and Mermen : we have it now in our power to set at rest the doubts of sceptics upon this duplex order of animals, one having been lately discovered basking upon the rock of Derrygimla, in Errisbeg (Cunnemara), after the ebbing of the tide.  It was discovered by a female of the lower order, who was then about four months pregnant ; she was suddenly startled by a kind of scream, which was followed by the plunging of an animal half female and half fish, her lower extremities having the conformation of a dolphin,  This woman was so terrified as to miscarry, and has never been able to leave her bed since.  The tide being out, the animal had some difficulty in reaching the water.  Thos. Evans, Esq. of Cleggan, a gentleman well known to many of our readers, just arrived upon the coast in time to witness her last plunges.  Having gained the water, she disappeared for a few moments, but again appeared, perfectly composed.  Mr. Evans now had a favourable opportunity of examining this so long doubted genus ; it was about the size of a well-grown child of ten years of age ; a bosom prominent as a girl of 16 ; a profusion of long dark brown hair ; full dark eyes ; hands and arms formed like the human species, with a slight web connecting the upper part of the fingers, which were frequently employed throwing back her hair ; her movements in the water seemed principally directed by the finny extremity ; for near an hour she remained in apparent tranquillity, in view of upwards of 300 persons, until a musket was levelled at her, which having flashed in the pan, she immediately dived, and was not afterwards seen.  Mr. Evans declares she did not appear to him to possess the power of speech, for her looks appeared vacant, and there was an evident want of intelligence.  As this is the season of the fishery, we are in hopes some of our fishermen may draw her in their nets, as it is extremely probable, at the time she was first discovered, she was in search of some place to deposit her young.  We understand several depositions upon oath as to this animal’s appearance are to be made.  We are promised a more minute description, which we shall be happy to lay before our readers.'”

Stamford Mercury, 1st October, 1819.